


5 Years

by LizardLinzo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: And I process them through writing, Angst, Bucky is a cutie who just loves you a lot, Fluff and Smut, I honestly still have a lot of emotions about Endgame, Multi, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 14:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizardLinzo/pseuds/LizardLinzo
Summary: “In 5 years you lost the love of your life, your best friend (and half of the world), fell in love with your commanding officer, watched the love of your life rise from the dead, lose the man who brought you into the Avengers and lead them fiercely, and now you were watching your second love chose another over you.”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 89





	5 Years

**Author's Note:**

> Listen I still have a lot of emotions about Steve and Endgame and Bucky and here’s my train wreck of an attempt to process through those.

Steve gathered the infinity stones and hammer before making his way to the portal. The plan was to return everything and be back in mere seconds.

Except he wouldn’t come back.

You knew. You stood behind everyone, your arms crossed in front of you and your head throbbing from holding back hot tears that stung the back of your throat. Your stomach was filled with cement as you thought about a future without Steve. Your captain. The man who saved your life in more ways than one and kept you afloat for 5 grueling years.

Bucky and Steve embraced while exchanging words. Bucky knew, too. Because he knew his best friend better than anyone else. Just like he knew there was something there between you and Steve.

The tension between the two of you was thick and heavy as Steve made his way to you. He offered you a small smile and you looked away, the tears you tried to hard to tame now falling freely.

“I’m sorry” he whispered to you, his arms finding their way around your shoulders as he pulled you into his chest. He kissed the crown of your hair, his own cheeks peppered with his tears.

“No, you’re not” you choked out. “If you were sorry you wouldn’t be doing this.” Your arms stayed folded, guarding your bruised soul. 

“You have Bucky. You two will get through this and come out even stronger. You know I’ve never belonged here.” His voice was barely above a whisper as his grasp tightened around your shoulders. 

“I know, but I want you, too. I know it’s selfish but please. Please don’t go, please don’t do this.” Your sobs racked your body as you finally opened your arms to him, falling into his embrace. 

It took every fiber of Steve’s resolve to not give in and promise that he would stay, that he would love you as fiercely as Bucky and the three of you would make it work somehow. God how he wanted to kiss your tears away.

But he didn’t.

“I’m sorry” he said again before letting you go. You wiped your face with the back of your hand, drawing a shaky breath to steady your pounding heart.

You said nothing else as Steve walked away and stepped on the platform. You were so consumed in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice Bucky approach you. His lips were in a tight line, his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. 5 years had come and gone and while they had left their mark on you, fresh scars littering your body and bags under your eyes that told the story of too many sleepless nights, Bucky remained unscathed. Still as beautiful as the day he left.

You two had had minimal interaction since the battle. Everything had been little more than complete chaos with processing Tony’s death, planning his funeral, and cleaning up what remained of Thanos’ onslaught, and you were doing what you could to wrap your mind around everything that was happening in front of you. In 5 years you lost the love of your life, your best friend (and half of the world), fell in love with your commanding officer, watched the love of your life rise from the dead, lose the man who brought you into the Avengers and lead them fiercely, and now you were watching your second love chose another over you. 

You were lost in a swirling vortex of grief and resentment and you weren’t sure where Bucky fell into that spectrum. Probably resentment, as unfair as it was. He didn’t choose to die, but he did. He was gone, and you were left to pick up the pieces alone.

Definitely resentment.

Bucky reached out and wiped the tears from your cheeks. You didn’t bother trying to stop them anymore. Your heart was breaking for the second time and there was nothing you could do about it.

Bucky knew, and he couldn’t be angry. For 5 years he was dead. To expect someone to wait for the dead is asinine. For all it was worth, he was glad it was Steve. He had no doubts that he took care of you while the world was crumbling. 

“Hey.” His voice was gentle, like if he spoke any louder you might shatter right in front of him. And truth be told, you just might have. “We’ll get through this. We’ll figure it out together.” You leaned into his touch, taking what little comfort you could as you both watched Steve disappear.

And just like that, your heart crumbled again.

Bucky pulled you into him, your arms snaking their way around his waist. You stood like that for what felt like hours.

“I’m sorry” you finally croaked out. Your voice was raw and gravelly as you struggled to force any words out. What you were apologizing for, you weren’t sure. The countless times you found yourself in Steve’s bed while you still mourned your boyfriend, maybe. Or maybe the raw, primal love you began to feel for him when you promised yourself you wouldn’t. Maybe all of the above. 

“Don’t need to be. I love you. Always will. S’long as you’ll have me.” Bucky buried his face into your locks and inhaled your sweet lavender scent. “Not going anywhere, doll. Promise.”

————

The first few nights spent back together were restless. You wrapped yourself around Bucky in fear that if you let him go he would disappear all over again.

Every bump, creak, and thud in the night sent you into a panic. Your body would tense against your soldier and your breathing would stop.

Everything was a threat. Everything had the potential to rip your lover away from you again. And again. And again. 

Bucky just held on. This wasn’t the you he had known. The years had left their nasty, ugly marks on your beautiful soul. Chewed you up and spit you out without an ounce of remorse. He tightened his grip around you, praying that his steady breathing would remind you that he was very much alive and with you. He kissed your head and whispered anything he could think of to bring you back to reality.

You’re safe. I’m here. I’m not leaving. Breathe, doll. Just like that. I love you, I love you, I love you.

It took two weeks before you finally got more than an hour of sleep. And when you finally succumbed to the pure exhaustion, what was waiting for you were images of Steve, Natasha, and Tony. Cruel reminders of Thanos’ slaughter.

You woke up screaming, slick with sweat and tears. Bucky held you as you sobbed uncontrollably, your body convulsing with grief and panic.

You’re safe, I’m here. I love you, I love you, I love you.

————

You both sat curled up on the couch, your body completely engulfed in Bucky’s embrace as you watched TV, the soft putter pattern of the rain outside bouncing off the windows.

You leaned your head back so it was resting on Bucky’s shoulder. A month had passed. And you were finally starting to settle into some type of new normal.

The news channel you were mindlessly watching transitioned segments. A picture of Steve flashed on the screen with the headline “Remembering Captain America” sprawled across every one of the 70 inches. A tribute to the American hero who had passed a few weeks prior.

Bucky’s grip on you tightened as he felt you tense, your once calm and even breaths becoming ragged as you tried your hardest to hold back the tears.

But there was no stopping the floodgates as the segment continued. Bucky quickly turned the TV off before nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, peppering your soft skin with light kisses.

“I’m sorry” you choked, trying to regain composure. You wiped your eyes and drew a breath. “I’m sorry.”

“No need” Bucky mumbled against your neck. “You love him.”

You felt your blood run cold. “N-no” you stammered. “No, Bucky. I love you. I love YOU.” The panic in your voice was evident and Bucky just ran his flesh fingers through your hair as he gave your neck a few more kitten licks.

“You can love us both, doll. There doesn’t have to be one or the other.” You were silent as you contemplated his words. “You love me. I don’t doubt that for a second. And you love Steve. You two had each other when I wasn’t here. I get it. You love him and you miss him and you love me too. And I love you.”

And finally it all clicked and for the first time in literal years your world finally seemed to be just right. And you cried. Of course you cried. You cried tears of relief that Bucky just got it. You cried and shed yourself of the guilt and shame you carried for loving two men for so long.

Turning, you wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck, pulling him close. Closer than you had been to him in the past month. Your mouth found his, soft at first, almost cautious.

“I love you. I love you and I can’t stand to lose you again so please don’t leave. Please don’t go” you begged.

Bucky’s mouth crashed into yours, hungry and heavy. He missed you. He needed you.

“‘M not going anywhere, doll. ‘M here. Love you so fucking much.”

A moan fell from your lips into Bucky’s mouth where he swallowed it greedily. His hands around your neck, in your hair, anywhere and everywhere they could be. 

Your legs straddled his lap as you rolled your hips into his, drawing a sweet groan from the back of his throat. God how you missed those sounds, how you fantasized about them every night he was gone.

“Need you” Bucky whispered into your ear, his voice thick and wanton. “Please doll, let me have you. Please.” The strain in his voice was almost as evident as the strain in his pants. You rocked against him again, the friction against his cock pulling another deep, needy groan from him.

You threaded her fingers through his hair and fuck you missed his mop of brunette so much. You leaned down, licking an agonizing stripe from his neck to his ear. “Take me” you whispered.

Bucky’s fingers worked like lightening and before you could process what was happening, he unzipped his pants and pulled himself free, his cock leaking precum and eager to feel your velvet folds. 

Reaching down, you took him in your palm, stroking him delicately. 

Bucky let out a primal growl at the touch, his head leaning back and his patience waning. “You keep that up and I’m not lasting much longer, sweetheart.” His hips bucked, desperate for a more firm grasp. One you refused to give him. 

When your thumb ran over the bead of precum collecting at his tip and smeared it around his head, he lost it.

As fast as he could manage, Bucky yanked your running shorts to the side, revealing not only your lack of panties, but your dripping arousal. 

You held Bucky’s cock steady as you hovered over him. Slowly, agonizingly, you ran his cock up and down your folds, your slick coating him entirely.

“Please baby” Bucky begged. Actually, truly begged. “Please sit on me. Need to feel you so bad.” 

You smirked before sliding down on him, taking every inch of the super soldier in one fluid motion. You moaned in unison as he bottomed out, his cock reaching areas it never had before.

You felt whole. Complete. Like Bucky was a puzzle piece made distinctly for you and you just fit together so fucking perfectly it made you want to cry.

Slow and steady, you slid up before sliding back down, and then up again. Every movement you made set Bucky’s nerves on fire and he swore he had never felt anything so fucking perfect before in his 100 plus years of life. Like every single moment of torture at the hands of hydra was worth it if it all lead to this moment.

He gripped your hips, his vibranium fingers significantly cooler against your white hot skin and the sensation sent chills straight up your spine.

“Ride me, sweetheart” his voice was thick and filled with want, borderline begging. He was hanging on to any shred of self control by the thinnest thread imaginable and you relished in it. You wrapped your arms around his neck before picking up your pace. Your hips rolled deliciously against his and his cock throbbed. “God— fuck just like that doll” he grunted, his hands becoming more forceful as he sped you up.

You followed his pace before finally relinquishing all control to him. You gasped as he slammed you down on top of him, your cunt squeezing tightly as you felt your own release building up. The coil deep in your belly wound tighter and tighter as every trust sent you higher.

“Bucky-“ you gasped into his neck, your face buried into his sweat slicked skin. “Bucky I’m gonna-“

“Fucking cum for me, doll. Give it to me” he demanded. It didn’t take much longer for your walls to flutter and the coil to spring free as you fell deep into the abyss that was your orgasm. Pleasure washing over you in waves. You weren’t sure if you were moaning out loud or not. The deafening sound of your heart beating drowned out any and all outside noise.

It only took three more thrusts for Bucky to meet you there, his seed filling every crevice of your cunt.

The only sound that filled the space of your apartment was of heavy breathing as the two of you tried to catch your breath. Bucky’s grip loosened on your hips, but he kept his hands planted there.

“I love you” he finally muttered, his impossibly soft lips grazing your earlobe as he planted sloppy kisses on the side of your head. “Love you so fucking much, sweetheart. Don’t forget it.”

You couldn’t bite back the low chuckle that bubbled up from your chest. “I love you too, James.” You leaned back to look at him. His stormy eyes were glossed over and the smile on his face could only be described as dopey. He was beautiful. So fucking beautiful. 

You slid off of him and marveled at the sticky mess below you. Bucky sat you beside him before leaving to clean himself off and returning with a rag to wipe you down with. Aftercare was crucial to him. It always had been, and it was comforting knowing that hadn’t changed.

“I’m sorry.” You broke the silence that had fallen between you and Bucky just cocked an eyebrow. “For how I’ve been the past month. I know I haven’t been the easiest to love and-“ Bucky placed a finger on your lips, his smile never wavering.

“Doll, I’ve done a lot of hard things before. But this? Loving you? It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” He slid his fingers through your hair, pushing it from your sweaty forehead. “You don’t need to apologize. For anything. I get it probably better than anyone else. We’ll get through this. Just let me in. Let me help you.”

You weren’t sure where you started crying but it was so second nature at this point you just accepted it. You leaned into Bucky’s chest, the scent of leather and gunpowder and cedar flooded your senses and you finally felt home again.

“I’m here for you, doll. However you need me to be.”

You finally let yourself start healing.


End file.
